Hi, Guys! Thanks for posting your "bios". You brought back some pleasant memories; and I was impressed when reading about your life journeys since SLS. Here's what I've been doing. I must say that life is good. My life journey falls into 5 phases: Pre- seminary, seminary, priestly ministry (15 years), New York Social Worker (25 years), and retirement (beginning March 21, 2014).
I grew up in Two Rivers, WI with the "middle child syndrome". The middle of 3 boys I felt unloved and struggled for attention. (Paul Kedinger often said, with some justification, that I was always seeking attention while at SLS.) To get attention, I became an overachiever in grade school. The nuns loved me. I noticed that they liked priests. So, to get more attention, I told them that I would be a priest. They loved me even more. And so my "vocation to the priesthood" was born in 3rd grade. A high point in grade 8 was being on the best basketball team our school ever had. In 8th grade we won 32 games and lost none; we earned 7 first place trophies. It was a heady experience. The key to our success was teamwork; we were taught that we did so much better when we played as a team rather than trying to get glory as an "individual" player. The lesson to be a team player has remained with me throughout my life.
My SLS years were fun and confusing as I grew older (I hesitate to use the word "matured"). Some fond memories are the "blowouts"; getting attention by eating a lot and staying skinny; playing basketball 2 or 3 times a week with Steve Koszarek, Larry Koontz, and Mike Trainer, among others; Field Days, especially because I could smoke cigarettes for one day; impromptu parties in the TV Lounge on Sundays, especially after Packer games; involvement in plays; singing in the choir; and, in Senior year, sneaking down to the basement of St. Anthony's Hall at 1 am twice a month with Abbot Harris and others, whose names escape my memory, to smoke cigarettes, have "important, adult discussions", and feel very good because we never got caught. A very pleasant memory is that of entertaining the school with Steve K. as the SomeOther Brothers. I was jealous because Steve got most of the funny lines. Besides being a lot of fun, this helped me begin to learn how to "work the crowd", which was valuable later on in preaching and in giving retreats, etc. I also enjoyed being a driver to Fondy, along with Jim Gilgenbach, and others. The confusing part of those years was struggling with hormones, not knowing what to do with sexual feelings, talking about it in Spiritual Direction without getting any real "direction", frequent confessions before mass, and never getting an answer to the question, "What are 'particular friendships?" I was proud of the work we did on the Field Day Committee, introducing the B Level track and field events so that all could contribute to their class' scores and not just the "basketball jocks". And it was my idea to add french fries and milk shakes/malts to the Field Day Menu. I completed the seminary phase of my life at St Francis School of Pastoral Ministry. I responded well to the awakening in the Church with Vatican II, but there was a lot of confusion among seminarians and professors as things "loosened up". There were two highlights in this time. One was being director of the Madison Carolers. Although I lived in the Green Bay area, I joined the Madison Carolers because the Green Bay Carolers had more members than they needed, while the Madison group needed Basses. (Jim Gilgenback joined the Madison group, too, and we were buddies, goofing off a lot.) After 2 years they asked me to be Director, which I did for 4 years. It was a thrill to bring Christmas joy to people in the hospitals and nursing homes in the Madison area; and we had some crazy fun for four years. The other highlight was a feeling of pride when the director of the annual play stepped down and those involved in plays voted for me to be Director of the production of Macbeth. I used the "team approach" so that it was "our play" not "my play". During practices, I got a lot of good ideas from the others, ideas that I would not have thought of. Everybody felt that it was "their play". It was a success and I was proud. (We had 17 people covering 28 parts - I played the comic relief part of the Drunken Porter.) While at St Francis, I went into psychotherapy, for the first time, and struggled with accepting myself as a gay man.
The priesthood phase started in May of 1971 and lasted 15 years. For the most part I enjoyed ministry. I tried to help the parishioners develop their ministerial skills and offer their services on various committees and in ministries. I tried to convince them that no one's "job" was more elevated than another's, i.e., priests are not more important than the people; at certain times each one's job will be more prominent. (The Trustees make the parish run more than the priest does and the janitor is essential to the parish in may ways.) This attempt of mine to come down "off the pedestal" was not wholly successful, although some people caught on. I particularly fostered women offering their gifts to the community. Among my brother priests I never felt that I fit in. No one ever said this, but I think that most of them thought I was too idealistic and naive. I found only a few that I could be myself with. I struggled mightily with my sexuality, trying to find a way to develop it and express it that was congruent with my theological and moral sense. I was convinced that it would be spiritually and emotionally unhealthy to ignore or suppress my sexuality. I helped start a clandestine Gay Priests Support Group. Overall, I related well with the people, gave real challenges in interesting homilies, and particularly enjoyed working with some excellent nuns. I was very saddened when I saw quite a number of priests reject nuns who were better educated, had better people skills, and a better sense of ministry; I was convinced that these priests were simply afraid that the nuns would outshine them and they would lose power and prestige. During these years I developed a love of travel. I visited Malaysia, where I saw an 8 foot long leatherback turtle lay her eggs on a beach. I went to Bali, Indonesia 5 times and also visited a site in Sumatra, where an agency re-introduces "pet orangutans" into the wild. I spent a week running around naked with the Auca "Indians" in the Amazon jungle in Ecuador, topped off with two nights in the Andes Mountains. After that I spent a week camping in Glacier Bay, Alaska. I did a whale watching trip off of Baja, California and touched a baby gray whale that came up to our skiff to inspect us. I did scuba diving, including one night dive, in the Cayman Islands; later I did scuba diving in Belize. A big trip was one month in a mission parish in Tanzania, Africa, with my Dad and my brother; we camped one week on the Serengeti Plain and saw the migration of the wildebeest; also saw lions feeding on a kill and two lions mating. I took a trip to Brazil and saw the Iguazu Falls. And I did a week-long sea kayaking trip in the Sea of Cortez. I joined a group for a week-long trip to the Holy Land. Also visited Mexico City and Acapulco twice. Another thing I did for fun and adventure was to buy a small airplane with a friend and got my single engine pilot's license. The thrill was soon gone because flying a small plane is too noisy (you can't converse) and very soon all the topography looks the same; so we sold our plane after 5 years and bought a cottage on the bay of Green Bay. It was easier to share this with friends than to share an airplane. After about 12 years I joined the Green Bay Chapter of Dignity (a lay run Catholic LGBT organization) for whom I presided at liturgies with and for gay/lesbian people. In my 13th year, I knew that I could not continue this way. At that time the Diocese offered a Doctor of Ministry Program in which the Diocese would pay for half of the cost of the Doctoral Degree. I finished the courses in my 15th year, took a sabbatical, and got the degree. I thought that a Doctor of Ministry Degree might be helpful in the future, since I knew I was leaving the active priesthood. The doctoral studies were helpful in a general way, but I did not use the degree in any professional way. In my letter of resignation I stated that I had serious issues re. the official Church's refusal to allow/accept women in decision making roles in the Church, an attitude which I regarded as sinful. And I differed in the Churches stance on human sexuality, which I was convinced was outdated, scientifically inaccurate and harmful to many people. I stated that some can stay in the Church and fight to make changes, but that my spirit was not so constituted and my spirit would die in that kind of stress; I needed to leave the official priesthood and work for change from outside the Church. So I went on sabbatical in 1987 in New York for Social Work school and resigned from the priesthood 2 years later. I have not regretted this decision; indeed, it was a step forward. It was hard on my parents. They were so proud when they heard people praise my priestly ministry. However, they were supportive of me and of my work with Dignity; they even came to some of the Dignity Masses. Eventually they came to think that my ministry to the LGBT Community was more valuable, that is, had more impact than parish work.
In 1989 I got my Masters in Social Work and started working on a psychiatric ward and in the psych ER of a hospital in the Bronx. I also did individual and group psychotherapy at a Gay/Lesbian Counseling Center in Manhattan and had a small private practice. I entered a relationship with Herb D. in 1988, which lasted 5 years. I left when he started smoking crack and became verbally abusive and threatened me. In 1988 I joined the Bass section of the New York City Gay Mens Chorus. Until it became too expensive in about 2000, all our concerts were in Carnegie Hall; a GREAT venue to sing in! It was powerful to stand up and sing publicly and proudly as a gay man. In my 24 years in the chorus, we helped change many lives for the better through our singing. We helped many gay and lesbian people in our audience to embrace their own gay identity and be proud. I also joined in two European tours with the Chorus. During these years I presided at liturgy for 3 Dignity groups in the New York area. Though these Masses were illegal by Canon Law, since I was resigned and not connected to a diocese, I provided a much needed service to these Catholic Gay and Lesbian people. I helped them get in touch with God; how can this be wrong? They find in Dignity what they cannot find in a parish (although this is beginning to change): they find a place where they can fully be themselves and still worship in a "Catholic" liturgy. After my hospital work, I spent 7 years in a drug/alcohol treatment agency. When that became too stressful, I got a job doing group work and psychotherapy in a day program for mentally ill senior citizens in upper Manhattan. I found this work fulfilling, but draining. In 1994 I met Daryn Hassell. We dated for over 2 years before entering a relationship; I was very cautious about committing after my experience with Herb D. We've been together now for over 18 years. Daryn is a very sweet, gentle and good man. Though we both worked in Manhattan, we lived in Jersey City for about 7 years because it was cheaper. On Oct. 29, 2013, we got married in Jersey City. It feels GOOD to claim equality in society by publicly referring to him as "my husband" at a store counter, introducing him to others, etc.
On March 21, 2014 I began the fifth, and probably last, phase of my life. I retired. Daryn had left his job on Dec. 31, 2013. We found that we could not afford our mortgage and lifestyle in the New York area on "retirement income". But we knew that we could get the same kind of condo in Chicago for 1/4 the price of our Jersey City condo. So we made the move and bought a condo without a mortgage in Chicago. Daryn, who was born in Brooklyn and raised in Queens is learning to love Chicago. And I have come full circle, back to the Midwest where I was raised. Starting a new life in a new city at age 69 is daunting, but invigorating. I have to meet new people and learn a new city. But there is help: Chicago has a Dignity chapter and a gay mens chorus and I am exploring places where I can volunteer my time, skills and energy. Still skinny, I am now145 pounds; my health is good. The only problem is an enlarged prostate - sound familiar? So I/we embark on this new chapter with vigor and enthusiasm. Life is good!
Growing up with you guys was a really good experience. I treasure all the good times, fun and support we shared at Mt. Calvary and hope that you do, too. Thanks! Elements of the Calvary Spirit do live on.
I grew up in Two Rivers, WI with the "middle child syndrome". The middle of 3 boys I felt unloved and struggled for attention. (Paul Kedinger often said, with some justification, that I was always seeking attention while at SLS.) To get attention, I became an overachiever in grade school. The nuns loved me. I noticed that they liked priests. So, to get more attention, I told them that I would be a priest. They loved me even more. And so my "vocation to the priesthood" was born in 3rd grade. A high point in grade 8 was being on the best basketball team our school ever had. In 8th grade we won 32 games and lost none; we earned 7 first place trophies. It was a heady experience. The key to our success was teamwork; we were taught that we did so much better when we played as a team rather than trying to get glory as an "individual" player. The lesson to be a team player has remained with me throughout my life.
My SLS years were fun and confusing as I grew older (I hesitate to use the word "matured"). Some fond memories are the "blowouts"; getting attention by eating a lot and staying skinny; playing basketball 2 or 3 times a week with Steve Koszarek, Larry Koontz, and Mike Trainer, among others; Field Days, especially because I could smoke cigarettes for one day; impromptu parties in the TV Lounge on Sundays, especially after Packer games; involvement in plays; singing in the choir; and, in Senior year, sneaking down to the basement of St. Anthony's Hall at 1 am twice a month with Abbot Harris and others, whose names escape my memory, to smoke cigarettes, have "important, adult discussions", and feel very good because we never got caught. A very pleasant memory is that of entertaining the school with Steve K. as the SomeOther Brothers. I was jealous because Steve got most of the funny lines. Besides being a lot of fun, this helped me begin to learn how to "work the crowd", which was valuable later on in preaching and in giving retreats, etc. I also enjoyed being a driver to Fondy, along with Jim Gilgenbach, and others. The confusing part of those years was struggling with hormones, not knowing what to do with sexual feelings, talking about it in Spiritual Direction without getting any real "direction", frequent confessions before mass, and never getting an answer to the question, "What are 'particular friendships?" I was proud of the work we did on the Field Day Committee, introducing the B Level track and field events so that all could contribute to their class' scores and not just the "basketball jocks". And it was my idea to add french fries and milk shakes/malts to the Field Day Menu. I completed the seminary phase of my life at St Francis School of Pastoral Ministry. I responded well to the awakening in the Church with Vatican II, but there was a lot of confusion among seminarians and professors as things "loosened up". There were two highlights in this time. One was being director of the Madison Carolers. Although I lived in the Green Bay area, I joined the Madison Carolers because the Green Bay Carolers had more members than they needed, while the Madison group needed Basses. (Jim Gilgenback joined the Madison group, too, and we were buddies, goofing off a lot.) After 2 years they asked me to be Director, which I did for 4 years. It was a thrill to bring Christmas joy to people in the hospitals and nursing homes in the Madison area; and we had some crazy fun for four years. The other highlight was a feeling of pride when the director of the annual play stepped down and those involved in plays voted for me to be Director of the production of Macbeth. I used the "team approach" so that it was "our play" not "my play". During practices, I got a lot of good ideas from the others, ideas that I would not have thought of. Everybody felt that it was "their play". It was a success and I was proud. (We had 17 people covering 28 parts - I played the comic relief part of the Drunken Porter.) While at St Francis, I went into psychotherapy, for the first time, and struggled with accepting myself as a gay man.
The priesthood phase started in May of 1971 and lasted 15 years. For the most part I enjoyed ministry. I tried to help the parishioners develop their ministerial skills and offer their services on various committees and in ministries. I tried to convince them that no one's "job" was more elevated than another's, i.e., priests are not more important than the people; at certain times each one's job will be more prominent. (The Trustees make the parish run more than the priest does and the janitor is essential to the parish in may ways.) This attempt of mine to come down "off the pedestal" was not wholly successful, although some people caught on. I particularly fostered women offering their gifts to the community. Among my brother priests I never felt that I fit in. No one ever said this, but I think that most of them thought I was too idealistic and naive. I found only a few that I could be myself with. I struggled mightily with my sexuality, trying to find a way to develop it and express it that was congruent with my theological and moral sense. I was convinced that it would be spiritually and emotionally unhealthy to ignore or suppress my sexuality. I helped start a clandestine Gay Priests Support Group. Overall, I related well with the people, gave real challenges in interesting homilies, and particularly enjoyed working with some excellent nuns. I was very saddened when I saw quite a number of priests reject nuns who were better educated, had better people skills, and a better sense of ministry; I was convinced that these priests were simply afraid that the nuns would outshine them and they would lose power and prestige. During these years I developed a love of travel. I visited Malaysia, where I saw an 8 foot long leatherback turtle lay her eggs on a beach. I went to Bali, Indonesia 5 times and also visited a site in Sumatra, where an agency re-introduces "pet orangutans" into the wild. I spent a week running around naked with the Auca "Indians" in the Amazon jungle in Ecuador, topped off with two nights in the Andes Mountains. After that I spent a week camping in Glacier Bay, Alaska. I did a whale watching trip off of Baja, California and touched a baby gray whale that came up to our skiff to inspect us. I did scuba diving, including one night dive, in the Cayman Islands; later I did scuba diving in Belize. A big trip was one month in a mission parish in Tanzania, Africa, with my Dad and my brother; we camped one week on the Serengeti Plain and saw the migration of the wildebeest; also saw lions feeding on a kill and two lions mating. I took a trip to Brazil and saw the Iguazu Falls. And I did a week-long sea kayaking trip in the Sea of Cortez. I joined a group for a week-long trip to the Holy Land. Also visited Mexico City and Acapulco twice. Another thing I did for fun and adventure was to buy a small airplane with a friend and got my single engine pilot's license. The thrill was soon gone because flying a small plane is too noisy (you can't converse) and very soon all the topography looks the same; so we sold our plane after 5 years and bought a cottage on the bay of Green Bay. It was easier to share this with friends than to share an airplane. After about 12 years I joined the Green Bay Chapter of Dignity (a lay run Catholic LGBT organization) for whom I presided at liturgies with and for gay/lesbian people. In my 13th year, I knew that I could not continue this way. At that time the Diocese offered a Doctor of Ministry Program in which the Diocese would pay for half of the cost of the Doctoral Degree. I finished the courses in my 15th year, took a sabbatical, and got the degree. I thought that a Doctor of Ministry Degree might be helpful in the future, since I knew I was leaving the active priesthood. The doctoral studies were helpful in a general way, but I did not use the degree in any professional way. In my letter of resignation I stated that I had serious issues re. the official Church's refusal to allow/accept women in decision making roles in the Church, an attitude which I regarded as sinful. And I differed in the Churches stance on human sexuality, which I was convinced was outdated, scientifically inaccurate and harmful to many people. I stated that some can stay in the Church and fight to make changes, but that my spirit was not so constituted and my spirit would die in that kind of stress; I needed to leave the official priesthood and work for change from outside the Church. So I went on sabbatical in 1987 in New York for Social Work school and resigned from the priesthood 2 years later. I have not regretted this decision; indeed, it was a step forward. It was hard on my parents. They were so proud when they heard people praise my priestly ministry. However, they were supportive of me and of my work with Dignity; they even came to some of the Dignity Masses. Eventually they came to think that my ministry to the LGBT Community was more valuable, that is, had more impact than parish work.
In 1989 I got my Masters in Social Work and started working on a psychiatric ward and in the psych ER of a hospital in the Bronx. I also did individual and group psychotherapy at a Gay/Lesbian Counseling Center in Manhattan and had a small private practice. I entered a relationship with Herb D. in 1988, which lasted 5 years. I left when he started smoking crack and became verbally abusive and threatened me. In 1988 I joined the Bass section of the New York City Gay Mens Chorus. Until it became too expensive in about 2000, all our concerts were in Carnegie Hall; a GREAT venue to sing in! It was powerful to stand up and sing publicly and proudly as a gay man. In my 24 years in the chorus, we helped change many lives for the better through our singing. We helped many gay and lesbian people in our audience to embrace their own gay identity and be proud. I also joined in two European tours with the Chorus. During these years I presided at liturgy for 3 Dignity groups in the New York area. Though these Masses were illegal by Canon Law, since I was resigned and not connected to a diocese, I provided a much needed service to these Catholic Gay and Lesbian people. I helped them get in touch with God; how can this be wrong? They find in Dignity what they cannot find in a parish (although this is beginning to change): they find a place where they can fully be themselves and still worship in a "Catholic" liturgy. After my hospital work, I spent 7 years in a drug/alcohol treatment agency. When that became too stressful, I got a job doing group work and psychotherapy in a day program for mentally ill senior citizens in upper Manhattan. I found this work fulfilling, but draining. In 1994 I met Daryn Hassell. We dated for over 2 years before entering a relationship; I was very cautious about committing after my experience with Herb D. We've been together now for over 18 years. Daryn is a very sweet, gentle and good man. Though we both worked in Manhattan, we lived in Jersey City for about 7 years because it was cheaper. On Oct. 29, 2013, we got married in Jersey City. It feels GOOD to claim equality in society by publicly referring to him as "my husband" at a store counter, introducing him to others, etc.
On March 21, 2014 I began the fifth, and probably last, phase of my life. I retired. Daryn had left his job on Dec. 31, 2013. We found that we could not afford our mortgage and lifestyle in the New York area on "retirement income". But we knew that we could get the same kind of condo in Chicago for 1/4 the price of our Jersey City condo. So we made the move and bought a condo without a mortgage in Chicago. Daryn, who was born in Brooklyn and raised in Queens is learning to love Chicago. And I have come full circle, back to the Midwest where I was raised. Starting a new life in a new city at age 69 is daunting, but invigorating. I have to meet new people and learn a new city. But there is help: Chicago has a Dignity chapter and a gay mens chorus and I am exploring places where I can volunteer my time, skills and energy. Still skinny, I am now145 pounds; my health is good. The only problem is an enlarged prostate - sound familiar? So I/we embark on this new chapter with vigor and enthusiasm. Life is good!
Growing up with you guys was a really good experience. I treasure all the good times, fun and support we shared at Mt. Calvary and hope that you do, too. Thanks! Elements of the Calvary Spirit do live on.
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